Monday, September 9, 2013

It goes like this.

Never ever EVER tell someone with a crappy scary disease that she is in the condition she is in now because of unwise medical decisions she made like 2 years ago.  Not only is it mean and thoughtless but it sets in motion a panicky meltdown equal to the early days of diagnosis.

So yeah, I'm done with Maggie.  And it is one appt that I can scratch off my to do list forever freeing me up for truthful and helpful appts that might actually shed light on this mess.

Oh AND.  When you're watching tv and one of those commercials come on for some drug that makes the patient look well and fine but then rattles off a looong list of side effects, don't judge.  People that say they'd rather have the disease than the side effects have not felt the desperation that caused the decision in the first place.

Big waste of time (again) that ended with her telling my daughter how lucky she was she has her Daddy's bones but my temper.  Another indication that she knows nothing about Rheumatoid Disease.
And Lane does NOT have my temper.  She's far too sweet.

So tonight I am fuming mad.  And scared.  And mad that I'm scared.  And furious that I could let her bring me to a point like this when I KNOW that its a lie and she has NO IDEA what she is even talking about.   And why am I so scared again all of a sudden after feeling ok with it for so long?   Where do these emotions come from?

And I wanted to call Tracy b/c she understands the crap that Maggie dishes out.  But I figured she had better things to do on a Monday night than listen to me fall apart.  So instead I opened my Bible.

Now there has been this idea rattling around in my head....I think it was some sort of Pinterest picture that said something like "Today instead of asking God for what you need, thank Him for what you already have."
At first that might sound like good advice.  Or maybe it sounds too packaged and cutsie....which is what I thought.  But then again, thankfulness is a good thing and maybe I spend too much time asking begging God to take this away.

But here.
"But I call to God and the Lord will save me.  Evening and morning and noon I utter my complaint and moan, and He hears my voice."  Ps 55:16-17

HE HEARS MY VOICE!!  Even when I'm coming undone.

Now I don't think the Psalmist is saying that he was only griping 3 times.  But more like an ongoing plea for mercy to the God that doesn't get sick of hearing about it.

Praise God that he is always the same...especially when I'm not.