Better!

When asked, "How are you doing?"

I can now say with all sincerity, "BETTER!"

Not just better spiritually, or better emotionally, but better physically too!

Something else I've noticed is that it does not take as long for the morning woes to wear off. Like I can't turn on my lamp first thing. But in about 15 minutes I can. And I'm no longer wondering how much clappers cost.

This week there is a positive difference. And it's lasting! I feel better. I don't hobble as much. And I have more mobility in my fingers! And it's been a few days in row!

I have noticed a pattern. The first one. If I don't sleep well, it'll be a painful day. If I do, the day is usually good. I've been trying to be careful about going to bed on time. Strangely enough though, sometimes even if I sleep all night long I still wake up tired. Haven't figured that one out yet.

The weather doesn't affect me at all.

This is weird. All of a sudden my hair and skin are oily. I've never even had issues with this before. Could it be the hormonal issues? I don't know.

I'm trying to exercise. I don't feel strong. I think with the weight loss came muscle loss as well. Gotta get that fixed. But tonight I carried ZBoy from the car to the house in the rain w/o a lot of effort. That was nice.

What I'm looking forward to...
~wearing my wedding ring
~making a fist
~doing Bird's pony tail as tight as I want it
~opening a bag of chips by myself

With so many little kids I've spent years sitting on the floor. I like sitting on the floor. But a couple of days ago I needed to sit on the floor and my first thought was "how?"

And then I realized that I hadn't been sitting on the floor. I've preferred chairs.

That made me mad. Mad that this has robbed me from the joy and ease of sitting on the floor with my kids. And it was so gradual that I didn't even notice.

But I did sit on the floor. And I'm going to keep purposing to sit on the floor....just b/c I can. Even if it isn't as easy right now.

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There are good days and bad days and they are pretty even. I fluctuate between a 2- 4 1/2.
I can't find any pattern or commonalities.

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I've been contemplating on the sovereignty of God. The fact that God is in total control, gave this to me Himself for my good and His glory. And the minute that it is no longer useful for my good and His glory, He will take it away. So even though I don't feel grateful, I'm choosing to give thanks by faith b/c trials bring us closer to God. And there is no place I'd rather be.

Currently

"How are you feeling?"

It's hard to know how to answer that question. And for awhile I would say, "It's not getting worse."

But this morning Honey told me that it is getting worse. He watches the way I move. He takes note of my increasing limitations. He doesn't "get used to it and adjust" like I do.

I can't decide if I agree or not. True, it's not been as aggressive as initially predicted. But I can't say that there is ever improvement to speak of. This morning I found that I could straighten 2 fingers that I haven't been able to for over a week. But I could not turn on my lamp. That's never happened before. While the lamp is an issue every morning, I can always adjust and use different fingers to do it. But this morning it took awhile before that happened. So as one thing appears to improve, another gets worse. At least for a time. It's like waking up every morning to a surprise. An unpleasant surprise in one way or another.

The popping comes and goes. But now it's in my fingers. Not the audible popping of my shoulder, but the internal popping that I can feel. There have been a couple of times that my thumbs have locked. THAT is a weird and scary feeling!

I don't know anything else to do differently. I'm following the treatment plans for candida and LGS. Now it's just wait and see. I need to exercise more.

The worst part is the way it affects my husband. He handles it well on the outside, but I know it's a burden.

The one word to sum up this year would be "broken". So many things are broken...
~the computer
~the glass stove top
~various dishes
~the water hose timer
~the garage door opener
~the car
~the cookie jar
~the salad spinner
~me

Emotionally I think we're doing very well. There is a difference between waiting and being patient. We have no choice in the waiting, and we need to work on the patience.

Candida

I tested positive for candida.

I figured.

From what I understand, it goes hand-in-hand with LGS.
So I'm on a 10 treatment plan for that. But since I was already well on the way to most of those things before the test came back, I'm hoping I'm at least a little ahead of the game.

Glad to have another piece of the puzzle.

A Setback

The morning after my great day I woke up and realized it was over. The goodness didn't last. In fact, it was quite a crash compared to my recent progression.

My walk was slooooow. I couldn't turn my neck. Or straighten my fingers on my right hand. It was actually in every joint that is typically affected by RA. Swelling, popping. I hate the popping.

I spent the day confused. What happened? Why the huge set back? What on earth could've changed? I prayed for answers and tried to guard against self-pity.

And in the afternoon, it was clear. And to avoid too much information, suffice it to say it was totally cyclical. Completely hormonally related. And I had no idea.

This was great news! First of all, b/c it was an answer..with an end. And also b/c it's sort of another piece of the puzzle. Something else to track, to expect, to talk over with my Dr. And it also validated in my mind that we are approaching this the right way.

Progressively the week is getting better. The walk is faster and more steady. I have more energy. I can turn my neck farther and almost straighten my fingers.

I'm guessing by Saturday, I'll be back to the low digits!

Ask Me What My Number Is

Go ahead. ONE AND A HALF!!

I know!! And what does a one and a half mean, you ask?

It means I can...

~Spend hours in the kitchen trying new failures experiments.

~Spend more time making something people could actually swallow.

~Spend some time outside.

~Open something that Jes couldn't. BOOYAAH!

~Walk all the way from the bedroom to the living room to get my blanket without rolling my eyes.

~Fill up the humidifier all by my onesie.

~Roll hair.

~Have full range of motion in both shoulders!