The Spoon Theory

Please read this if there is anybody in your life that deals with chronic health issues.  It explains things so well to better help you understand what its like!

A bit better!  I'm not coughing near as much and I had a lot more energy today.

And wonder of wonders!  My wrist DID clear up on its own!  It's not perfect but it's good.

My hands and shoulder hurt.  And I'm back to the point of going to bed wondering what tomorrow morning will feel like.  But its not so bad that it's slowing me down and only slightly to the point of favoring my shoulder.

I had another vein procedure done on my leg.  Oh, how I hope this doesn't trigger anything else.  It didn't last time so I'm hoping I'm good for this time too.

I changed my vitamins and added Horse Chestnut and Olive Leaf Extract.  Olive leaf is pretty powerful stuff but I haven't taken it in about a year.

I also realized that I've been lazy with my food prep.  Relying on my GF vegan cereal for breakfast, falling to canned beans, and skimping on my salad veggies.  Time to step it up!

The other day I was in a moment of thankfulness and remembering how when we were moving into this rent house just 7 months ago there was a question in my mind if I would be able to fully participate.   The thought of that was so foreign to me b/c I have been doing so well.  I never doubt if I'll be able to do anything.

Then there is today.  And I'm reminded anew what disability means.  Dis-ABLE to do something.
It's been building up for about a week.  But this morning I work up with both shoulders and both elbows hurting.  Sloooow moving.  But it was nothing compared to my wrist.  And I cried my first RA related tears in a long time.

Shoulders and elbows tend to be a quick healing flare for me.  But the wrist is a downward spiral to shots.  And there is so much you can NOT do with a bad wrist.  It controls your whole hand.   So then I was back to needing help pulling food out of the oven.   And using 2 hands for a job that should require one.  Not wanting it to go farther I wanted to see Maggie to hopefully avoid a shot.  Not a chance.  She was booked tight.  Since a wrist flare has never gone away on its own I'm guessing I'll be texting her again tomorrow.  Sigh.....

Why??  I'm always looking for a reason.  What has set this off all of a sudden?
I've been sick for awhile with this icky cough that most of my family has been down with for the last month.  It's getting better but it's lingering.  It's my first sickness in 2 years and I'm guessing its triggered my RA.  At least that's all I can come up with.

I am trying to focus on thankfulness.  I have tons to be grateful for and I don't want to be caught up on what I don't have.  I wonder though if this is as good as it gets.  I feel like I've plateaued and I'd like to get to the next level of wellness and mobility.  But I do remember what it used to be and I'm so thankful to be here instead of there.   My next appt is in 2 months and I wonder where I'll be by then. 

~I have very few limitations.

~I don't need help with many things.  Maneuvering something heavy with one hand is nearly impossible ....like draining a skillet or pouring a full gallon of milk.  But it's easy enough to do with 2 hands. 

~I don't think twice about driving or walking or anything that used to be a big problem.

~I still find myself smiling when I turn on my lamp with one hand or pick up my Bible, or make my bed.

~I hope I never forget and always appreciate these little things I used to take for granted.

~I can snap with my left hand.

~My wrist continues to feel better.  Maggie's non-steriod shots don't work as quickly as the steriod ones.  This is good though. 

~I am praying that I can wear my ring on my right hand soon.  I'm to the point of asking Honey if I can get it re-sized.  I really don't wanna go there but I love that ring...the first one he ever bought me.  But for now I'm so thankful to wear my wedding rings.   My right fingers are ridiculously swollen so that contines to be my biggest problem. 

A Good Appointment

I saw my rheumatologist today and I'm glad to say that we are finally in agreement! 

He said...

You're blood work looks perfect.
The swelling might continue to go down.  (I hope so!)
Keep doing what you're doing.
Come back in 9 weeks. 

YES!!

Joints? What joints?

This has never happened.  Well never as in the past year and a half since my diagnosis.  I woke up and I didn't notice how I felt. 

Like I didn't even think about it. 

I got up to make Honey's breakfast and I didn't notice my hands until I was in the middle of it! 

Usually I will immediately make 2 fists to see how close I am and how much it hurts.  Then I will manipulate different joints to see what the day will bring.  Sometimes I even do this in the middle of the night. 

So to wake up without even thinking about it makes me feel so NORMAL!! 
Praise God!

RA I hate you. 

I hate the way my hands look. 

I hate the fear that sets in.  .

I hate the tears.

I hate doubting myself.

I hate wondering what the morning will bring.

I hate dressing around my abilities to maneuver zippers or buttons.

I hate not being able to do everything I want to do.

And I especially hate the fact that my gratitude for my good health is completely overshadowed by my bad health.